It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
