I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
