oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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