You're so nebulous sometimes
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
