I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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