$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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