if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
