I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
