My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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