I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
