If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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