I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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