I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
