She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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