he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
