There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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