I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
