I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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