I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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