fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
