Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
