So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
