i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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