wanna go halves on a baby?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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