I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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