i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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