Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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