I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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