ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
