awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
