I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Everclear isn't food dammit
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
