Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
