I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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