I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
