upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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