I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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