We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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