My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
