using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
