You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
