So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize