Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
