The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
