I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
