Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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