its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
