the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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