Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
