i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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