The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
