my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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