im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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