he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
