Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There's even glitter on my cock...
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