she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
