After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
